Getting Your Child to Sleep in Their Own Bed: Six Top Tips for Parents
“How to get toddlers to sleep by themselves?”
“When should kids sleep by themselves?”
Is this what your search history looks like?
We all know how magical it is to have those snuggly bedtime moments with our little ones. But when your child insists on climbing into your bed night after night, it can quickly become a recipe for restless sleep – for everyone! If this sounds familiar, don’t worry; you’re not alone, and there are ways to gently encourage your child to sleep in their own bed. Let’s explore how to make bedtime a win-win for you and your little one, with a sprinkling of neuroscience to help it all make sense.
Why Does My Child Keep Coming into My Bed?
Before diving into the tips, it helps to understand what might be going on in your child’s brain.
Children have a part of their brain called the amygdala, which plays a big role in detecting danger and triggering emotions like fear or anxiety. When children feel unsure or worried (even about something small, like the dark or being alone), the amygdala kicks into gear, and they instinctively seek comfort – which often means snuggling up to you! Sleep anxiety in children is one of the most common reasons why they may insist on sleeping next to you.
Additionally, another factor is the release of oxytocin – the “happy hormone” that surges when we cuddle. Sharing a bed can feel comforting and secure for your child because it floods their brain with these calming chemicals.
On the flip side, their prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking and decision-making – is still developing. This means they might struggle to soothe themselves or think through their fears logically, making your presence a source of reassurance.
Understanding these brain processes can help us approach bedtime challenges with empathy and practical strategies.
Six Solution-Focused Tips to Help Your Child Sleep in Their Own Bed
To get your kids or toddlers to sleep by themselves, it’s important to understand how to help children sleep. At The Youth Fairy, we adopt a solution-focused approach to this problem. Let’s look at some effective solution-focused tips to help your children sleep in their own bed.
1. Create a Calming Bedtime Routine
Children thrive on routine, and having a consistent wind-down time helps their brain transition from busy daytime activities to restful sleep. A calming bedtime routine could include a warm bath, reading a favourite story, or listening to relaxing music. These activities encourage the production of melatonin, the hormone that signals it’s time to sleep.
Top Tip: Let your child choose parts of the routine (e.g., which pyjamas to wear or which book to read). This gives them a sense of control and makes bedtime feel more enjoyable.
2. Make Their Bed a Special Place
If your child’s bed doesn’t feel inviting, they’re less likely to stay in it. Add some cosy touches, like their favourite blanket, a soft toy, or even a nightlight. Let them help decorate their space so it feels uniquely theirs.
Top Tip: Avoid using their bed as a “time-out” spot during the day. It should be associated with positive feelings, not punishment or stress.
3. Reassure and Build Confidence
Sleep anxiety in children often stems from feelings of nervousness or a fear of being alone. If your child is nervous about being alone, it’s important to reassure them. Let them know that feeling scared is normal, but they’re safe and capable of sleeping in their own bed. You might say, “I’m just in the next room if you need me, and I know you can do this.”
Top Tip: Avoid focusing too much on the “fear” (e.g., saying, “Don’t be scared”). Instead, highlight their bravery and remind them of past successes, like when they slept through the night before.
4. Use Positive Reinforcement
Celebrate small wins to motivate your child. If they stay in their bed for a night (or even part of the night), give them lots of praise in the morning. You could also use a reward system, like a sticker chart, to track progress.
Top Tip: Keep rewards simple and achievable – a fun outing or an extra bedtime story can work wonders!
5. Practise Gradual Separation
If you’re wondering how to help your children sleep by themselves without causing stress over the separation, try a gradual approach. Start by sitting near their bed until they fall asleep, then slowly move further away each night. This helps them adjust to being in their room without feeling abandoned.
Top Tip: Use a comforting phrase like, “I’ll check on you in 5 minutes,” and make sure you follow through. This builds trust and reassures them that you’re still there for them.
6. Be Consistent and Patient
Changing sleep habits takes time, so it’s important to stick with the plan. If your child sneaks into your bed, gently guide them back to their own without making a big fuss. The more consistent you are, the quicker they’ll adapt.
Top Tip: Remember, setbacks are normal! Stay calm and focus on progress rather than perfection.
The Long-Term Benefits
Helping your child feel comfortable sleeping in their own bed is about more than just getting a good night’s sleep. It teaches them resilience, independence, and self-soothing skills that will benefit them for years to come. And let’s face it – having your bed back to yourself isn’t a bad bonus either!
So, take it one night at a time, celebrate the small wins, and remember that you’re laying the foundation for healthier sleep habits and happier bedtimes. If you need professional help, our Fairies are here to help your child deal with it all, whether it’s sleeping in their own bed, anxiety, emotionally based school avoidance, or something else. Sweet dreams!
